Wednesday, November 28, 2012

It's Not All 50 Shades Over Here

I've been working really hard on making this appropriate, especially since my 13 year old daughter likes to read my blog.  I've decided to give up.  Here is what happened...

Last weekend we were able to get away for a night for my hubby's birthday.  It was a gift from my parents.  They take the kids overnight and we get to sleep, I mean have sex, in a hotel.

If you have kids then you know what I am talking about.  It's super exciting to go to a hotel with your spouse because it means you don't have to worry about kids.  Kids at the door, kids calling out, "mom, what are you doing?" or "I'm hungry", or "can I go to" or even worse, starting your business and realizing that there is a child asleep on your floor, next to your bed. 

Dinner was fabulous.  Good food and great conversation, always nice to catch up with the person you married.  Back to the hotel, and oh boy, are we tired.  I mean it was 11:00 PM.  Way later then we usually stay up doing dishes, helping with homework, and putting kids to bed.  Yes, we fell asleep. Don't make fun.  It's happened to all of you.  Besides, we have all morning, we don't have to check out until noon.

Except we woke up at 7:30 AM to a MARCHING BAND.  They were playing for the walkers/runners who were participating in Race for the Cure.  A great cause and all, but did they really need a marching band to cheer these people on?  The band went through the usual playbook of songs and every few songs they would take a break and we would, wrongly, assume they were done and almost fall back asleep. 

I'm not sure who gave up on sleep first, but that led into, are we or not?  I mean, this is what the whole birthday weekend is about, no kids and the fancy hotel room. But the marching band outside our window is not helping set the mood at all.  So, we finally decide to have breakfast and try later.  Except, later doesn't happen.  We eat, walk around, try to avoid the race people and finally just pack it up and head home.

Back at home we pick up the kids, order a pizza, and watch a movie.  Then, we fall asleep on the couch surrounded by children.  Because marriage isn't all about some crazy 50 shades.  Sometimes it's just about the time together, even if it does involve children and/or a marching band.

Sunday, November 25, 2012


This last week we received a letter from the principal of our elementary school letting us know that our youngest son has been tardy to school. A lot.  Like 31 of 37 days a lot.

We laughed and laughed, and enjoyed reading and rereading the letter.  Ah, the joys of being a parent of a child with acronyms.  I'm pretty sure we haven't been anywhere on time for years.  Not school, church, doctor appointments, nothing. 

The tardiness starts when we wake him up.  He doesn't want to get out of bed.  Then he doesn't want to eat breakfast.  And, he really doesn't want to go to school.  He can't find his clothes, his shoes, or his backpack.  He hates his breakfast, his lunch and his snack.  He doesn't want to walk or ride his bike.

We really tried for awhile.  We tried anything and everything we could think of.  He has slept in his clothes, walked to school in his pajamas, stood outside in underwear while getting dressed.  I have put him in the car naked (he quickly got dressed) and made him change into clothes in the principal's office (this was the principal's idea). He has skipped breakfast, eaten in the car, and eaten breakfast while walking to school. We even have a supply of food at school just for him.

We have bribed him, punished him, praised him.  We have put him to bed early and woken him up before everyone else. He has even been left behind when he isn't ready on time.

So, now we laugh.  We laugh when aides, teachers, and even principals bring up his tardiness.  We laugh and laugh and laugh. We enjoy our breakfast in peace and then we wake up the child for school.


Wednesday, November 21, 2012

How to Thaw a Turkey

Evidently, you don't leave it out for 24 hours in the garage.  And, evidently, this is something I should know at my age. 

In my own defense I have never had to thaw out a turkey.  We always spend Thanksgiving at my parents and somehow a turkey always appears.  It's like magic. I have never questioned where the turkey came from or how it was prepared. 

This year, mom and dad are in the Ivory Coast working with some missionaries.  Yay mom and dad!  Traveling across the world at your age!  You guys rock!  I'm pretty sure they didn't think through the whole Thanksgiving turkey scenario or they would have left some instructions.

Since mom and dad are gone, all of us kids, and by kids I mean the adult children, were questioning the tradition of the turkey.  I suggested we eat out, my sister suggested pizza, my brother is going to see his girlfriend.

Here's the clincher: I have this free turkey.  It wasn't completely free, I had to spend a lot of money at the grocery store to actually make it free, but we have it.  And it didn't fit in the freezer, mostly because of all the food I had to buy to get the free turkey.  So, hubby decided he was going to cook it for Thanksgiving. Dinner problem solved.

So, we left it in a pan in the garage, on top of the freezer, for over 24 hours.  YOU ARE NOT SUPPOSE TO DO THIS!  I guess you are suppose to put it in the refrigerator and let it thaw out, or  put it in cold water but you have to change the water every 30 minutes (who is around for hours to change out the turkey water?). 

Anyways, guess what, the fridge is full too, because of all the food I had to buy to get the second free frozen turkey.  Yes, I got two free turkeys.  I really like getting things for free. And it's a good thing, because evidently we can't eat the turkey that is almost completely thawed.  I have over 60 comments on facebook telling me not to, so I'm going to trust public opinion here.

But, I'm thinking that the still frozen turkey won't be thawed out in time, so I'm leaning toward pizza.  That and I really don't like turkey meat anyway.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Sunday, November 11, 2012

For D. with love

My girlfriend just asked why I haven't posted for awhile. 
She said, "The kids have been out of school for 3 days, so you must have something to write."
This only reminds me of the advice that Thumper doled out in the movie Bambi, "If you can't say anything nice don't say anything at all."

This is often my problem when we have no-school days, so I try to say nothing at all. 

I'm not kidding.

I have been trying for three days, yes three, to get my children to clean their bedrooms.  I've been super nice and super mean.  I've tried bribing them with a movie (didn't happen) and I've taken away all electronics (didn't work).

Really, how difficult is it to pick up your clothes, make your bed, put the toys away, and vacuum the floor?

The past three days have gone like this:
Me- Is your room clean?
Child- yes
Me- Are you clothes picked up and put away?
Child- I didn't know I was suppose to put them away. 

M- Is your room clean?
C- Yes
M-So you cleaned up the candy wrappers all over your floor?
C-What candy wrappers?
M- Go down to your room and clean it up.

And 15 minutes later-
M- Why are you watching TV?  Is your room clean?
C- I was taking a break.
M- A break from what?  You haven't done anything.
C- I made my bed!  (seriously, with an exclamation point)

An hour later-
M- What are you guys doing?
Children- We having a nerf gun fight.
M- Um, you are suppose to be cleaning your rooms.
Children (because now they are a united front)- But we found all the nerf gun darts and watch this mom (child proceeds to jump off the couch and over the chair while shooting his brother) and so we thought we'd have a nerf gun fight.

Now, here is my big dilemma:  All three children are getting along and playing together.  Do I encourage the sibling bonding or get super mad and send them to their rooms?   Luckily, daddy walks through the door.

Children- Daddy!  Check this out- more running and jumping over furniture while shooting.
Daddy, can we go to the movie? 

Daddy takes one look at me and knows the answer, but he lets them down easy.  No movie since you didn't clean your rooms, but hopefully tomorrow night we can all go.

Three days of this nonsense!  Three days! 
So tonight, after three days of not cleaning bedrooms, the kids went to papa's and grandma's house and daddy took me to a movie!  And this is why I love daddy so.