Saturday, April 13, 2013

French Model Doctor, Take 2

Yes, THE French Model Doctor (FMD).  I had another visit with him.   

I hurt my ribs.  I'm not really sure what I did to bruise my rib, but I think I can trace it back to date night when we were out with friends.  There was a story that involved a very large horse and a lot of laughing.  Pretty sure it was all the laughing because I remember a sudden pain in my side, that didn't go away.  And then, that night, I couldn't sleep because of the pain.  Next morning, excruciating pain whenever I moved or breathed.

I suffered through.  Poor me.  Actually, I thought it was just indegestion and would go away.  But it didn't.  And it got worse.  So I called in on Monday and was able to get in and see a different doctor.  Not FMD, but a kind doctor, who gently felt around my ribs and was fairly sure I had bruised or maybe cracked a rib so she ordered an x-ray. She told me to take large doses of ibuprofen and rest and it would heal.  It would take lots of time to heal, but if the pain was worse to come back.

I spent the next day on the couch watching Jason Statham movies.  Very relaxing.

Next morning, excruciating pain.  Excruciating.  I am suppose to be feeling better, not getting worse.
I called in and the only appointment I could get was with the French Model Doctor.


Now he is going to think I am completely crazy. 

The appointment starts with him saying, "Oh, it's good to see you again.  Where is your mom?  You didn't bring her this time?"

Again, great. I must have made an impression.

He asked how I was and what was going on.  I told him about the rib and how painful it was and how it wasn't getting better. He wanted to know how it happened and if I was resting.  I told him the horse story and about the Jason Statham movie marathon.

That led to a recitation of Statham movies and which ones are good. You know, Crank is really horrible, but The Transporter is the best movie ever.

Then he needed to feel the rib area.  The FMD is not so gentle. As he is feeling around and I am saying ow, ow, ow, he asks, "Have you been dreaming about dragons chasing you?"

Seriously.  I am not kidding. Dragons.

My first thought was, what the heck. And then I thought, he must watch Game of Thrones. He must think I look like Daenerys.  But I don't look anything like her, so I just looked at him really strangely and said, "No, I don't, OW, usually, OW, dream about dragons, OW, chasing me."

Then he asked what I was taking for the pain, and I told him lots of ibuprofen and he said, that's good.  Then he had to listen to my heart, because last time I saw him it was because I was having chest pains.  So, I asked him to change my medication dosage back to the original (the one that helps with my anxiety, see previous post). 

FMD-"Are you still having chest pain?"
Me- "No"
FMD- "Then it's working."
Me- "No, I never took the new dosage."
FMD- "What do you mean?"
Me- "I never took the new dosage because I didn't want to and I need it changed back to the original dosage."
FMD-"So you never took it?"
Me- "No."
FMD *sigh*
Me-"I get that a lot."

End of appointment.

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