It's Not All 50 Shades Over Here

I've been working really hard on making this appropriate, especially since my 13 year old daughter likes to read my blog.  I've decided to give up.  Here is what happened...

Last weekend we were able to get away for a night for my hubby's birthday.  It was a gift from my parents.  They take the kids overnight and we get to sleep, I mean have sex, in a hotel.

If you have kids then you know what I am talking about.  It's super exciting to go to a hotel with your spouse because it means you don't have to worry about kids.  Kids at the door, kids calling out, "mom, what are you doing?" or "I'm hungry", or "can I go to .....house?" or even worse, starting your business and realizing that there is a child asleep on your floor, next to your bed. 

Dinner was fabulous.  Good food and great conversation, always nice to catch up with the person you married.  Back to the hotel, and oh boy, are we tired.  I mean it was 11:00 PM.  Way later then we usually stay up doing dishes, helping with homework, and putting kids to bed.  Yes, we fell asleep. Don't make fun.  It's happened to all of you.  Besides, we have all morning, we don't have to check out until noon.

Except we woke up at 7:30 AM to a MARCHING BAND.  They were playing for the walkers/runners who were participating in Race for the Cure.  A great cause and all, but did they really need a marching band to cheer these people on?  The band went through the usual playbook of songs and every few songs they would take a break and we would, wrongly, assume they were done and almost fall back asleep. 

I'm not sure who gave up on sleep first, but that led into, are we or not?  I mean, this is what the whole birthday weekend is about, no kids and the fancy hotel room. But the marching band outside our window is not helping set the mood at all.  So, we finally decide to have breakfast and try later.  Except, later doesn't happen.  We eat, walk around, try to avoid the race people and finally just pack it up and head home.

Back at home we pick up the kids, order a pizza, and watch a movie.  Then, we fall asleep on the couch surrounded by children.  Because marriage isn't all about some crazy 50 shades.  Sometimes it's just about the time together, even if it does involve children and/or a marching band.

Tardy

This last week we received a letter from the principal of our elementary school letting us know that our youngest son has been tardy to school. A lot.  Like 31 of 37 days a lot.

We laughed and laughed, and enjoyed reading and rereading the letter.  Ah, the joys of being a parent of a child with acronyms.  I'm pretty sure we haven't been anywhere on time for years.  Not school, church, doctor appointments, nothing. 

The tardiness starts when we wake him up.  He doesn't want to get out of bed.  Then he doesn't want to eat breakfast.  And, he really doesn't want to go to school.  He can't find his clothes, his shoes, or his backpack.  He hates his breakfast, his lunch and his snack.  He doesn't want to walk or ride his bike.

We really tried for awhile.  We tried anything and everything we could think of.  He has slept in his clothes, walked to school in his pajamas, stood outside in underwear while getting dressed.  I have put him in the car naked (he quickly got dressed) and made him change into clothes in the principal's office (this was the principal's idea). He has skipped breakfast, eaten in the car, and eaten breakfast while walking to school. We even have a supply of food at school just for him.

We have bribed him, punished him, praised him.  We have put him to bed early and woken him up before everyone else. He has even been left behind when he isn't ready on time.

So, now we laugh.  We laugh when aides, teachers, and even principals bring up his tardiness.  We laugh and laugh and laugh. We enjoy our breakfast in peace and then we wake up the child for school.

 

How to Thaw a Turkey

Evidently, you don't leave it out for 24 hours in the garage.  And, evidently, this is something I should know at my age. 

In my own defense I have never had to thaw out a turkey.  We always spend Thanksgiving at my parents and somehow a turkey always appears.  It's like magic. I have never questioned where the turkey came from or how it was prepared. 

This year, mom and dad are in the Ivory Coast working with some missionaries.  Yay mom and dad!  Traveling across the world at your age!  You guys rock!  I'm pretty sure they didn't think through the whole Thanksgiving turkey scenario or they would have left some instructions.

Since mom and dad are gone, all of us kids, and by kids I mean the adult children, were questioning the tradition of the turkey.  I suggested we eat out, my sister suggested pizza, my brother is going to see his girlfriend.

Here's the clincher: I have this free turkey.  It wasn't completely free, I had to spend a lot of money at the grocery store to actually make it free, but we have it.  And it didn't fit in the freezer, mostly because of all the food I had to buy to get the free turkey.  So, hubby decided he was going to cook it for Thanksgiving. Dinner problem solved.

So, we left it in a pan in the garage, on top of the freezer, for over 24 hours.  YOU ARE NOT SUPPOSE TO DO THIS!  I guess you are suppose to put it in the refrigerator and let it thaw out, or  put it in cold water but you have to change the water every 30 minutes (who is around for hours to change out the turkey water?). 

Anyways, guess what, the fridge is full too, because of all the food I had to buy to get the second free frozen turkey.  Yes, I got two free turkeys.  I really like getting things for free. And it's a good thing, because evidently we can't eat the turkey that is almost completely thawed.  I have over 60 comments on facebook telling me not to, so I'm going to trust public opinion here.

But, I'm thinking that the still frozen turkey won't be thawed out in time, so I'm leaning toward pizza.  That and I really don't like turkey meat anyway.

Happy Thanksgiving!

For D. with love

My girlfriend just asked why I haven't posted for awhile. 
She said, "The kids have been out of school for 3 days, so you must have something to write."
This only reminds me of the advice that Thumper doled out in the movie Bambi, "If you can't say anything nice don't say anything at all."

This is often my problem when we have no-school days, so I try to say nothing at all. 

I'm not kidding.

I have been trying for three days, yes three, to get my children to clean their bedrooms.  I've been super nice and super mean.  I've tried bribing them with a movie (didn't happen) and I've taken away all electronics (didn't work).

Really, how difficult is it to pick up your clothes, make your bed, put the toys away, and vacuum the floor?

The past three days have gone like this:
Me- Is your room clean?
Child- yes
Me- Are you clothes picked up and put away?
Child- I didn't know I was suppose to put them away. 

Later-
M- Is your room clean?
C- Yes
M-So you cleaned up the candy wrappers all over your floor?
C-What candy wrappers?
M- Go down to your room and clean it up.

And 15 minutes later-
M- Why are you watching TV?  Is your room clean?
C- I was taking a break.
M- A break from what?  You haven't done anything.
C- I made my bed!  (seriously, with an exclamation point)

An hour later-
M- What are you guys doing?
Children- We having a nerf gun fight.
M- Um, you are suppose to be cleaning your rooms.
Children (because now they are a united front)- But we found all the nerf gun darts and watch this mom (child proceeds to jump off the couch and over the chair while shooting his brother) and so we thought we'd have a nerf gun fight.

Now, here is my big dilemma:  All three children are getting along and playing together.  Do I encourage the sibling bonding or get super mad and send them to their rooms?   Luckily, daddy walks through the door.

Children- Daddy!  Check this out- more running and jumping over furniture while shooting.
Daddy, can we go to the movie? 

Daddy takes one look at me and knows the answer, but he lets them down easy.  No movie since you didn't clean your rooms, but hopefully tomorrow night we can all go.

Three days of this nonsense!  Three days! 
So tonight, after three days of not cleaning bedrooms, the kids went to papa's and grandma's house and daddy took me to a movie!  And this is why I love daddy so.

A Mother's Love

This morning I sent off my middle child to Outdoor School.  He was super excited.

 I received my first phone call at 6:00 PM.  His stomach was upset.  He was teary and anxious and we talked and he didn't really feel better, but went on to do the next activity. I received my second phone call at 8:30 from his teacher letting me know that he was on his night hike and doing well.

A mother's love and a little encouragement, was what he needed to make it through the next few hours into the night.  This boy does not like to be away from me.  He hates it when I go away for a weekend with daddy or the girls.  He hates being left behind.  He finds his security in me.

I am teaching him to find his security in Jesus.

I love this child so much.  So much I can hardly stand it sometimes. I want him to be secure in the love I have, to feel safe, guarded, and cared for.  Still, because of my human nature, my love is finite, conditional, wavering.

In Christ we are loved completely, wholly, infinitely.  We don't always accept the love that Christ has to offer, but He continues to offer us this never ending love.  He offers this love no matter what we do, how we act, how much we refuse Him or run away, His love is always there, available.

This is what I want to give my children.  Perfect love, all the time, no matter what.
But I can't.  I will fail miserably in this endeavor.  I can only point them towards their Heavenly Father and encourage them to have a relationship with the One who will always be their security, their safety, their perfect and complete love.  Which, is even better than a mother's love.

Adoption Rules

My children are adopted.  All of them.  Even the ones who look just like me or daddy.

Here are some questions/statements you may not ask me.  Ever.

But, if you do, I've included my standard answers.  They are mostly snarky, because adoption is personal and none of your business.

1. Are you babysitting?
Um, no.  Why would you think that?

2. Are you doing foster care?
(This often follows question 1), Again, no. Stop asking me stupid questions.

3. Are they all yours?
Yes, all of them.

4. Wow, you must be busy.
Yes, we are busy. Every mom is busy.

5. You saved them from a horrible life.
I did?  Do you know their birthparents?  I had no idea.  Could you please tell me more about their birth situation.  No?  Then stop talking.

6. Where are they from?
Why do you ask?  or  Where are you from? or  Are you planning a trip?

7. Are they siblings?
Yes, I am their mother.

8. No, I mean, are they biological siblings.
Again, I am their mother.  or What does biology have to do with family?

9. You are so amazing to do this.
Really, thank you so much!  I'm just a mom, but I'm so happy that you recognize my worth.

10. So, you couldn't have your own?  (a personal favorite)
I did have my own, here they are. or
We tried really hard to not have our own, maybe you should have tried harder.

Sleep, part 2

It's 1:54 AM and the child with all the letters is up.  Pretty sure it has to do with not getting his meds until really late, again.

I totally own this one.  I didn't give them to him after school because he had tutoring.  And then, when I usually give the meds to him, I was distracted by his brother who informed me that he felt sick to his stomach and could he please go home instead of dance. My priorities include no vomit in car. Drop off sick child at home, continue with dance carpool.

Meanwhile, in the back of the car, child, without meds is eating candy from tutoring.

Pick up and drop off all children involved in dance carpool.

Child without meds had found the snack bag for dancers and has eaten all the m&m's out of the trail mix.

Stop for gas and liquor store (this turned out to be a smart move) and make it home.

Back at home and still not remembering to dole out meds.  Medless child is happily playing Wii and will not respond to "time for dinner", "feed the dogs/cats", "come down here", or "get down here now!".

Dinner time and this is what I get; "I hate you", "Leave me alone", "Why won't anyone leave me alone?", "Mom, I told you we need more batteries",  "I wish I had my old mom back", and "I already told you, I am not hungry".  But then it hits me, finally, this kid needs his meds!
About 5 hours late but he does finally get them.

Now, 2:00AM, he is still up.  He hasn't fallen asleep yet.  He has been in the garage searching for the Halloween candy and left the door open so the downstairs is freezing.  He has drank at least one diet coke and spilled most of it on the kitchen floor.  I have taken away 3 movies and 5 video games along with the DVD player and Nintendo DS.  As I have been writing for 20 minutes I have put him back to bed 5 times. Now he is playing with tape.

Super great.
Can't wait for morning, and school, and sleep.

Sleep

My facebook post a few days ago was about the antics of my son while the rest of us were sleeping. 

It was something like this; beautiful Sunday morning except for the child who hasn't slept and tried to do laundry, watched a few movies, had a few too many caffeinated drinks, and attempted to put lotion on his sister's feet.

That's the thing about children, after you have them you don't get to sleep anymore.  And by sleep, I mean deep, REM sleep, all night, for more than 3-4 hours, without being woken up by a child who is crying out for mom, or trying to crawl into your bed.  You know, that slumber that brings dreams, really good dreams, and when you wake up you are happy.  Happy, because you are no longer tired.

My oldest is 13, so I haven't slept through the night for 13 years.  Seriously.

Here is what happened:

When you have a child with acronyms like we do, that child might also get medications, like ours does.  Sometimes, we forget to give him said meds in the morning and that totally screws up his day.  Also, we were having a garage sale that Saturday and forgot to give him his afternoon meds and he kept getting into the Diet Coke when we weren't looking.  So, really, it was our fault.  Ours meaning daddy, because daddy wasn't really helping with the garage sale so he should have been more on top of that.

Anyways, kids went to bed way too late as usual on a Saturday.  Except the one kept getting up.  And daddy kept putting him back to bed.  I think this happened about three times before it was quiet downstairs and we fell asleep. 

By asleep, I mean, I kept waking up, and daddy kept waking up because we could hear things happening downstairs.  Things like doors opening and closing, wrappers being torn off of food, drinks being opened.

Next morning: wet clothes on the laundry room floor, movies strewn over the upstairs and bedrooms, empty Diet Coke cans, and a very upset sister.

Blessings

I live a very blessed life.  I know that my life is good, all that I have has come from above.  My husband and I strive to make sure that our children realize that their lives are also very blessed; that they have more than most and to be thankful for all that God has provided in their lives.

This is difficult in so many ways, but mostly because they are 10, 11, and 12.  These "tween" years really stink, but today I saw a glimmer of hope.

Today, my daughter, the 12 year old, lost her phone.  Of course she has a phone.  All 12 year olds have a phone.  If your 12 year old doesn't have their own phone then you are the worst parent on the planet, the worst.   

Sorry, I've heard that a lot.

But today, the 12 year old lost the phone.  She didn't realize at the time she had lost it, but when she was needing her phone she couldn't find it.  Being the great mom that I am, I called her number and waited for it to ring.  The phone was lost in the car, so really it should have turned up pretty quickly. 

Then I get a "Hello?". 
"Hello"  I respond.  Who is this? 

Turns out, that while we were picking up for carpool the phone actually fell out of the car and into the street.  Someone had seen the purple phone and picked it up.  Someone who is my 12 year old's friend.  This friend had scrolled through the contact list and realized who's phone she had found and had been trying to call me, the mother.

Whew!  (although, this is a prime example why a 12 year old shouldn't have a phone)

Tonight at bedtime, my very relieved and grateful daughter, was talking to me (yes me, her mother, she was talking to me) about how happy she was that her friend found her phone.  She said, "mom, I feel really blessed.  I mean, it was totally God who did that.  My phone could have been run over, or someone could have just taken it, but can you believe it was my friend who found my phone.  I'm just so thankful and blessed."

She said it twice.  She is blessed.  I am so thankful!

Laundry, continued...

After my last post I thought I should give you the basics on laundry. You know, the do's and don't of laundry.  Here goes:

Do sort by color, texture, fabric, and sometimes, just how dirty something really is.  There are items that are so dirty, they need their own special, private time in the washing machine.

Do look for stains and or stickers on clothing before putting them through the wash.  Some stains just don't come out.  Stickers, after being washed, never come off.  Ever.

Turn those jeans inside out.  And while you are turning them inside out, go through the pockets. Always go through the pockets.  You might get lucky and find money.  Mostly you will find gum, crayons, paperclips, acorns, rubber bands, pencils, small rubber balls, pencil erasers, gum wrappers, legos, Nintendo DS games, Darth Vader's missing head, and teeth. 

Just a FYI here- legos, acorns, pencil erasers, and Nintendo DS games wash and dry well.  The Nintendo Game was a surprise really.  Gum, crayons, and pencils do not wash well and make a huge mess in your dryer. 

Try and remember to promptly move  your wash to the dryer.  If you forget to transfer the load for more than 12-24 hours, you need to rewash it. And don't worry, it happens to all of us.  I've been rewashing the same load for the last three days.

Once the item is in the dryer, it is clean, and your job is pretty much over. 

Do have a glass of wine and relax.  Don't spill the wine on your new shirt so that you have to start the process over.

If I ever have a complete breakdown, it will be because of laundry

That was a facebook status a while ago, but it's pretty true.  Laundry will be the cause of my breakdown.

 My brother-in-law asked me today why I haven't posted another entry to my blog.  My response, "I'm a busy mom.  I'm doing laundry."

That was my reason.  Laundry.

It's never done.

Ever.

Which I guess is fine.  It means I'm needed.

Nobody else around here does laundry.  They could do laundry.  I have shown everyone how to sort clothes by color and put it in the washing machine, add the detergent and select the correct wash cycle. They also know how to move the clothes from the washing machine to the dryer.  I have even taught them how to turn the dryer on.  But nobody seems interested.

They are, however, interested in clean clothes.  The are not, interested in putting their clean clothes away. This becomes an issue for me when I find clean and folded clothing in their dirty clothes hamper.  So, I started charging them .25 for each item of clean clothing they put back in the laundry. Some weeks I make a lot money.

I am a busy mom, and I do a lot of laundry.  Only the dirty stuff though, and at least I'm getting paid. 

PDD-NOS

I'll get right to the basics of us, we live with PDD-NOS; Pervasive Development Disorder, Not Otherwise Specified. 

It's a label doctors give children when they know something isn't quite right, but they can't really figure it out, and, frankly they are tired of dealing with the parents.  It identifies the child as being on the autism spectrum. 

Here's the other great thing, if your child has been labeled with an acronym, they usually have at least one more.  We also have ADHD, RAD, and ODD.  That means my kid has a lot of issues.  That also means life is never boring and it gives me a ton to write about.

Spiderman

My kids all dance.  All three of them, that's an entire blog post in itself.

Tomorrow are Nutcracker auditions.  Every year their dance studio does a fabulous production of the Nutcracker and tomorrow they all tryout.  Really, they show up and get a part. 

I have to fill out a form for each child.  The basics, how long have you danced, have you danced the Nutcracker before, what part have you danced.  This year my favorite question ever...What is your dream role in the Nutcracker? 

My oldest doesn't care, and my second wants to be Fritz, but my third (he has issues, we'll get to those later), my third says, "Spiderman". 

I say, "Spiderman?  I don't think Spiderman is in the Nutcracker."
He replies, "well, he should be."
So I fill in the blank: dream role, Spiderman. 
I'm fairly certain he'll get the part.

Really, I'm not!

Because I don't need to make any of it up. This is my life, our life, and we like it. Most of the time.

Except mornings.

And sometimes, nights.

Usually, the hours between 8AM-3PM are pretty good.