Friday, October 11, 2013

It's Not My Birthday

Here we are.  My beautiful daughter is 14 today.  Today is her birthday.  And she won't let us celebrate.

I really can't remember a year that she was excited about her birthday, maybe the first few.  I think, around 5-6 years old she decided that birthdays just weren't her "thing".

There is worry and anxiety weeks before the actual day.  She doesn't want any gifts, cards, or parties.  She doesn't want the day or the week acknowledged and has made this very clear to her friends and family. 

Part of this is just her personality.  She hates to be the center of attention.  Part of this is her age.  Everything at 14 is a HUGE deal.  And, part of this is because she is adopted.

To be fair, our boys, 11 and 12, also adopted, love their birthday.  They also, share many of the same issues as their sister around their special day.

There are tons of articles written about birthdays and adoptees, this is just our experience.

Birthdays bring a profound sense of sadness.  They were born to one mother and are celebrating this special day with another.  They have questions that I will never be able to answer.  They have feelings of loss.  They wonder, what if...

In our family we spend birthdays celebrating the individual, their life, and their birthmothers. What a wonderful day to remember the love of a woman who gave them birth.  It allows us to celebrate her, the birthmother, who sacrificed more then we will ever understand. 

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